So I was up until after 3 a.m, which – I’ll just spare you the math – isn’t enough sleep. I feel like someone dropped a few bricks on my head and gave me some sort of emotional shot. Anyone who knows me has seen me cry, I’m no stranger to tears and such, but usually I can hold it together about nothing. I had several little breakdowns today. One was at dinner, because I was thinking about what a great kid Lydia is. I had to cover my face. She came over and gave me a hug and got a little teary herself.
Two others came from running into a former co-worker of Paul’s while we were out shopping. She worked with Paul before he was married and has known Christopher since he was a baby. We haven’t seen her in years and she couldn’t believe what a young man Christopher is now. Her brother is hearing impaired, which I had forgotten, and she gave Christopher a little speech on how her brother has an M.B.A. and is a very successful accountant and that Christopher should never let anything hold him back. He listened politely and smiled, but I know it has never occurred to him that there is anything holding him back. He has no self-concept of victimhood from being hearing impaired. He doesn’t know that he could. The only thing that bugs him is having to change the batteries on his processor.
“I rah-eally wish that they would make batteries that last longer!” He will moan, but that’s it. Limited time on the computer has given him more of a sense of oppression than his hearing impairment ever has.
I teared up during Carol’s little speech and out and out cried later telling my sister, Torey, about it.
I also cried after shrieking at Christopher and Eden, who had been at each other’s throats all morning.
I’m not even pre-menstrual.
I really need a good night’s sleep.
This will require me getting up and seeing that Christopher, Eden and Jack are all tucked into bed.
Wish me well.