Alison Hodgson

Expert on the etiquette of perilous times.

What We Say

by 4 Comments

If you read yesterday’s post you might be thinking, “But Alison I know the parents of a child with special needs and they are amazing and, when the child was diagnosed, I did think ‘If anyone can handle this…’ and I told them and they thanked me.  So there!”

You know what?  Before Christopher, I said it to another couple whose first child has Down’s Syndrome, and it was so true: they are amazing and the mother taught children with Down’s syndrome, as had her mother before her, I mean seriously, this woman had training and experience.  If there was anyone who could handle a child with challenges…but when it was said to me, over and over again it wasn’t a comfort, it just felt like pressure.

This is what we need to ask ourselves before we speak to someone going through something: what are we  really trying to say?

“I have so much respect for you.”

“You’re a wonderful mother.”

“I admire you.”

Back up.  What we need to ask ourselves first: does anything need to be said at all?

I’m here to tell you, most cases, it doesn’t.

What do you think?

by 1 Comment

“Do you know what day it is?” I asked Christopher.

He glanced at his watch, “July 8.”
“And what special day is that?” I raised my eyebrows.
He smiled. “Happy Birthday.”
“What festivities do you have planned?” I asked as he flopped across the foot of my bed.
He thought for a second. “Well, if you pick some place cheap – not too fancy – it’s on me.”
That’s my boy.

https://alisonhodgson.com/2010/07/244/

by 2 Comments

The night of the fire I asked Christopher, “How are you doing, Buddy?”
He shook his head “I’m feeling regret that I wasn’t able to gather some of my belongings,” his voice broke, “I just think I would feel more secure if I had some of my possessions.”
A couple of days later, suited up with fire boots, the fire investigator took him back into his room. Paul and I had laughed that the fire marshall would declare Christopher’s room a total loss, whether or not there was any damage; it was that messy.
He found his wallet, a magnifying glass, a few stuffed animals and the smoky and waterlogged book he’d been reading when he fell asleep the night before. What impressed the fire investigator was that he asked to go into his sisters’ room where he out a few things he thought they would want.
He came home with what looked like a load of rubbish. I sorted through some things that were obviously trash and my sister-in-law, Dawn, has been devotedly washing everything that is washable.
The grieving process has only begun but this was the turning point for Christopher. He will continue to mourn what was lost and he is already being comforted by what remains.

https://alisonhodgson.com/2010/07/245/

by 1 Comment

Yesterday in church, I found this note, recorded from last year, in my notebook:

“I like to sing. It’s fun” Eden said to Christopher.

“It would be better if there were disco balls.” He’s never one to keep a good thing from getting better.

“Oh yeah! If they were pink and purple!”

They would have had a great time at the first Pentecost.

https://alisonhodgson.com/2010/05/249/

by 2 Comments

In Michigan you can never say with certainty when winter is over and spring has begun, regardless of what the calendar might assert. And yet in March, with the milder days and increasing sun, most of us find cause for hope, but this year Christopher found cause for mourning.

“My hope for having snow days is now lost,” he said to me out of the blue. I nodded thoughtfully and, I hoped, neutrally; it’s rude to rejoice in another’s suffering.

“Now I have to hope for bus accidents or whatever.”

https://alisonhodgson.com/2010/04/250/