If you read yesterday’s post you might be thinking, “But Alison I know the parents of a child with special needs and they are amazing and, when the child was diagnosed, I did think ‘If anyone can handle this…’ and I told them and they thanked me.  So there!”

You know what?  Before Christopher, I said it to another couple whose first child has Down’s Syndrome, and it was so true: they are amazing and the mother taught children with Down’s syndrome, as had her mother before her, I mean seriously, this woman had training and experience.  If there was anyone who could handle a child with challenges…but when it was said to me, over and over again it wasn’t a comfort, it just felt like pressure.

This is what we need to ask ourselves before we speak to someone going through something: what are we  really trying to say?

“I have so much respect for you.”

“You’re a wonderful mother.”

“I admire you.”

Back up.  What we need to ask ourselves first: does anything need to be said at all?

I’m here to tell you, most cases, it doesn’t.

What do you think?