Alison Hodgson

Expert on the etiquette of perilous times.

We Get to Carry Each Other

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“I’m almost stopped by your house this morning to cry.” A friend told me the other day as we waited to pick up our daughters after school.

“You should have,” I said without thinking, “what’s going on?”

My friend has another child with a multiplicity of special needs who is struggling to make a big transition at school. My friend had a meeting scheduled that day with the principal, but right before it she discovered something else that concerned her and decided to schedule a meeting with the school counselor too.

After these back-to-back meetings she was exhausted and feeling overwhelmed. Raising a kid with special needs can be so arduous. The school is just around the corner from my house and she thought about stopping by to tell me all about it and have a good cry.

“Why didn’t you?” I asked.

The short story is she talked herself out of it because she wanted to save me for a real emergency. I mean you can’t just show up at your friend’s fixing to cry willy nilly, can you?

The funny thing is, with me you can and I’m really good at it.

Years ago a friend stopped by and I winced when I saw her car because her home is always immaculate and mine is not but I opened the door with a smile and was surprised to see her face wet with tears.

“What’s wrong!” I asked.

“I GAINED TEN POUNDS!” She was in the later days of her first pregnancy and had just been to the O.B.

Without a word I opened my arms wide and she fell into them, sobbing.

I was pregnant too, with our second child, Lydia, and managing to keep my weight gain at the lower end of normal. But with my firstborn, Christopher, I gained more than 50 pounds and had one devastating month towards the end where I gained nine pounds alone. This was the month after I told my midwife I was probably going to have this baby early because I couldn’t imagine getting any bigger.

She just smiled and nodded but now I know she was almost certainly thinking, “You sweet, simple thing.”

I was aghast when I gained nine pounds the next month and my friend remembered this when confronted by her own horrific weigh-in two years later. She knew I would understand. And, of course, I did. Soon I had her laughing and she went back to work feeling so much better.

I don’t want to simplify this: my house may not be perfect, but I’m open and friendly: so there! I’m not always open and I struggle with keeping my house as tidy as I’d like, although it’s not the burden that it was. I have some projects I need to do, but most of the time my house is organized and clean “enough.”

Our new house is beautiful and pretty much in shape, but I’m tired.   Except with family and friends I find the hospitality part of the equation to be the heavier one right now. I’m thinking about this summer and what I want to do. Paul has a lot of travel coming up so that needs to be taken into consideration.

But drive-by crying? Yeah, I’m up for that.

This week on Houzz, I’m talking about not allowing the imperfections of your home hold you back from opening it to others.

Where do you fall on the entertaining/hospitality/good times spectrum?

It really was the best of both worlds.

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Here we have a beautiful fairy and her dear friend and cousin, Hannah Montana. Are you laughing my friends? If you can look at this without snorting or at the very least, giggling, please seek medical assistance immediately.
The wig wasn’t really the highest quality but, right out of the package it looked fine, even after Eden tried it on a few times. Then Christopher got ahold of it, Torey tried it on and we might have jammed it on Willa’s head a time or two. When Eden put it on last night I tried to brush it out a little, but that wasn’t going to work, so I just slipped in a couple of bobby pins and called it good.
When Torey saw her in all her blonde and sparkly glory she said, “OH.MY.GOODNESS. YOU LOOK LIKE THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS!!!!!!!
We both wish there was a picture of Eden’s face at that moment. Her eyes disappeared and with her missing teeth her smile looked just like a jack o’ lantern.
The joke amongst the adults was “a beautiful fairy and Hannah Montana: hurricane survivor”.
We’re so glad she did and that she came to our party.

The Fair

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This year I decided to cut the big kids loose.  Christopher will be 13 and Lydia will be 11 in September.  Lydia, I could have allowed to go it alone about five years ago, and I’m almost serious: she has incredible boundaries, good intuition and a willingness to ask for assistance.  Christopher, on the other hand, has been willing to go off with any stranger since he could walk, but I decided if he doesn’t have the smarts to make it at this small fair populated almost entirely by young suburban mothers and their progeny, then he’s not going to make it any where.
I am pleased to tell you that he and Lydia had a wonderful time buzzing around the different tents each at his or her pace, following their separate whims.  
The Legumes, with me as their escort and wrangler, had to rely on negotiations.  With my help, these went fairly well. There was that dark moment when only Ren won a cupcake in the Cake Walk, though she quickly offered to share.  And then there was that even darker moment when Ren was given a balloon after having her hair painted, but Eden wasn’t.  That Ren almost immediately let go it, was no comfort.  When we tracked down a girl with a huge bunch of balloons, there was only one pink one!  Of course both wanted it and I encouraged Eden to let her cousin have it, which she did and then, miracles of miracles, we spied another girl with a bunch of balloons and Eden was given a pink one from her.  Minutes later, Ren let go of her second balloon, but Eden held onto hers until we made it home.
It was a hot day and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.  We were all sweating profusely and I made it my mission to find a square of shade to stand in at each tent we visited and occasionally I was even able to score a chair and gratefully sat.  At the especially interminable coloring tent, there were no chairs and I had to lean forward awkwardly to keep my head in the shade.    I mentioned to the volunteers the idea that had occurred to me early and, as the day wore on, was fast becoming an obsession.
“What this thing really needs is a wine bar.”  
It was not quite noon, but each volunteer nodded excitedly.  Since the fair was sponsored by the area business owners, I suggested a fancy, local grocery, which has an extensive wine selection.  Every other person I mentioned it to agreed that a wine bar would be a brilliant and NECESSARY addition to the day.
Later, at the grocery in question, I informed the staff that I had been conducting an informal survey on their behalf and reported the entirely enthusiastic response.  The owner and several of her employees who heard all laughed.  
“That is a great idea,” she said.
“Listen,”  I said, “On average, I have less than two ounces of wine a week.  Now and then, a glass sounds really good.  Today I was positively salivating at the thought of a chilled Chardonnay.  If I was panting for a glass…”  I just let them think about that.   They were all laughing as I drifted off to shop. 
When I returned to the register to pay I approached the owner, “Look, don’t play with me.  I have to know if this is a possibility.”  She went on about a lot of boring things like licensing laws and the very real difference between selling a bottle of wine and serving one.
“We could always sell an individual a bottle of wine,”  she looked at me meaningfully.
“I don’t think I’m ready to be the mother standing at the edge of a children’s fair with a thermos of wine,”  I thought for a moment, “but I might be.”
We all agreed it would certainly be a service and maybe even a ministry.
I wonder if I could get 501(c)(3) status?

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Remember that carnival I’ve told you about?  You know the one that, after we attend it, usually results in emergency medical treatment (Bird: opthalmologist with a torn cornea Me: ER with a foot crushed by large, fat pony).  Well, it was that time again and I took the kids, singlehandedly and brought along Ren, just for kicks.

All told, it went very well despite the heat (high 80’s) and the fact that we spent FOUR HOURS there.  Of course there are stories.
Remind me to tell you about:
~The wine bar (it doesn’t exist, but it should)
~The mother who treated her kids like props in a photo essay 
~God help us, the TROLLEY!
Oh and I’m ruminating hard about love, specifically the reckless sort. 
   

https://alisonhodgson.com/2008/08/406/

The Lake

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It’s been a busy week of constant get togethers with friends and family.  We’ve been outside all day, just about every day.  Today we sort of collapsed.
Fortunately it was a day of rest.