This was a bouquet from last month: five clovers with their own leaves.
The day she picked it, Eden and I visited one of our favorite greenhouses, Ludema’s. It was a terrible day—rainy and cold— but we were in the neighborhood. Ludema’s also has a florist. When Eden and I reached the check out, a man was just approaching. He deferred to us but I told him to go ahead since we had a cart full of plants and he only had a bouquet of flowers. He was buying red roses cut short in a square glass vase, beautifully arranged.
Waiting my turn, I thought about this nice man who was willing to let me and my cart full of plants go before him, not to mention buying someone lovely roses and yet—if I was the recipient—I would be so disappointed. Red roses are pretty much the antithesis of who I am florally.
The cashier didn’t know the price and yelled across the room to the florist who said, “$45, but take off five because of the size of the vase.”
$40 for an arrangement I would hate.
Years ago—after “Harry Met Sally” came out—my sister and I were having a discussion with a group of guys. Torey’s and my assertion was that we were low maintenance. The men, who knew us well, scoffed. We were soooooooo high maintenance.
I brought up how I would rather Paul picked me dandelions over buying red roses! If that wasn’t low maintenance, what was? The guys just laughed at the idea of Torey or me even thinking we weren’t the highest of maintenance. Now I see that Torey and I were right and so were the guys.
Set aside the mysogynistic thinking behind the idea of maintaining a woman, for a moment please. I thought because I didn’t need to be taken to expensive restaurants and preferred weeds and wildflowers to roses from a florist that made me low maintenance. Now I see the tight perimeter around my approval. If you want to give me flowers you’re best bet is in a garden unless you can find a good florist, because—if you do go to any old florist—forget about most roses absolutely NO red or white (which are usually more green and not in a good way) but if you must have roses they better be in an arrangement with flowers like stock and peonies…snapdragons are good…no chrysanthemums (unless they’re chartreuse) and please, for the love of all things, no baby’s breath! So you’re best bet is just picking a bouquet in a garden and I’d be happy with anything—just NO RED ROSES!
Paul was firmly in the “It’s the thought that counts!” camp and just kept bringing me daisy-like chrysanthemums from the grocery store and I felt unloved because he refused to know me. I mixed up the lover’s gift with proof of the giver’s love and Paul felt unappreciated.
God bless Paul.
God bless me.
He has, obviously, with and through each other despite our selfishness and immaturity.
I would choose my girl’s bouquet of clovers over roses from the florist any day: I just prefer the latter and, even if I didn’t, I love my girl.
I don’t need to be maintained. I know Paul loves me and I’m finally learning to love.
Susie Finkbeiner says
Oh, I have been this woman. So many times. Thank you for the smile this morning.
Sherry C says
Yes. Well said. I’m feeling this one.
Jeremy VanAntwerp says
I’d define high or low maintenance as the shape of the emotional orbit, and the amount of (emotional) energy needed to stabilize that orbit. Roughly circular, or highly elliptic?
Prince Andrew and the Queen Mum says
husband brings me the same flours every time.. yellow.. something .. from the Krogers… every time. he tried to deviate but went back. and i love him. because i DID tell him.. i DO like flowers!! and he does not.. and he started bringing them to me even though he thinks they are a GIANT waste of money. LOL! and he is Mr. Frugal. that is love 🙂
Alison Hodgson says
In the abstract everything is clear. I love so well on paper and in my head.