Sometimes I think God used up all the crazy when he made my son.
Several nights ago I was lounging on my bed, reading a book and just relishing the peace and quiet of a house with children in bed when there came a sound of falling and crashing. I knew C. Riley was behind it, but hated to imagine what could have possibly made the sound.
I stayed put and waited for his father who came out of the office asking, “What was that?”
“Only God and Christopher know.”
Paul walked past our door, headed for the boy’s room and stopped in the half bath that is just down the hall.
“How did you do that!”
I was scared now, picturing the sink pulled off the wall, and hustled to the scene and saw that the top of the toilet tank was shattered on the ground. Christopher was standing, wide-eyed and solemn, next to the mess.
“What happened?! Were you standing on the tank?”
Christopher nodded.
“Was it because you were trying to pee from there?”
Christopher swallowed then whispered, “Yes.”
I slipped away snuffling giggles and thanking God that the man was in the country for this little episode.
After a bit Paul came and dropped down beside me on the bed. “The minute I saw the mess I knew he had to have climbed up on the tank and why would he do that except to pee. With boys it’s all about cause and effect. ‘If I do this, what will happen?'”
“And you guys have that built in toy to experiment with – very handy.”
………………………..
Today I was on the phone when I heard an ominous shattering and tinkling sound in the kitchen. Standing inches from the shards of glass that were once a 3 x 4 foot mirror I found C.Riley and the Bean. He immediately apologized, “I am sorry Mom, will you forgive me? I broke the mirror.”
“What were you doing?”
“I was banging my head on the trampoline.”
Well of course, who wouldn’t bang their head on a trampoline that was propped against the piano next to where the mirror was waiting to be rehung THIS EVENING! We are painting everywhere and the dining room is slightly chaotic, but come on!
Paul had already taken the boy and his wallet to the hardware store to try and replace the tank lid. They didn’t have any and referred them to a plumber. Tonight he threatened that C. would have to replace the mirror too.
Once he was realeased from today’s lecture, Christopher headed outside with Birdie.
“I need a lyre.” He told her.
“A lawyer?” She asked.
“Yes.”
Get in line, Mister.
I’m sorry for the chaos and destruction, but these stories do make for some very amusing reading for those of us who are unaffected.
Funny stories, Alison. Peeing from the top of the toilet – if only I were younger and more lithe . . .
I remember my brother Todd standing on the top bar of our swingset (yes, balancing on top of the swingset) and peeing from that most majestic height. What a thrill!
Sherry,
You know I have long been committed to making my sorrow everyone else’s joy.
Scott,
I yesterday I realized I need to get a subject line for C. Riley stories and then went to your blog and read “About the Boy” and said, “Ding!” Tried to acknowledge your inspiration with a link but didn’t have time. I need to call Montana Woman and ask her to help me.
Anyway, thank you.
Scott,
Stay off the toilet tank!
Don’t even think of the swingset!
I have so much fun reading about your family. You guys are entertaining, loving, forgiving, and inspiring. Way better than any sitcom!
Thanks for sharing so eloquently!
Alternate title: The adventures of Mr. Natural
Mandee,
I am glad you are enjoying it and thanks for the sugar.
Tanner,
The lurker speaks! I don’t think I want to be comparing my child to Mr. Natural. Isn’t he a bit of a freak? We all know that C. is unique but he is NOT a freak. Unique, yes that’s the ticket.
Hi, Tanner!
Did he ever get to pee at all during his stunt? If so, did he make it on target? Just needing a little closure to the gaping questions left unanswered. ;0)
KMJ,
That is the $1,000,000 question. I will ask tomorrow. I think we need to know.
You know, I think my favorite part of this post is the fact that Paul immediately knew what had happened. I don’t think I know any women who would have instantly surmised, “Oh, he must have been standing on top of the toilet and trying to pee from up there.”
Sherry,
I know. It made me love him even more. He is so sane and such a straight arrow but when confronted with a wacky BOY thing he immediately knew.
Woman..this is the funniest yet!! I am STILL trying to figure out how Paul knew what C was up to. My thought was…he lifted the thing off to try and fix the toilet and dropped it!! I loved you slinking away hiding your giggles…then the trampoline…I cannot even write..I am laughing jsut envisioning this!! I cannot wait to meet these previous gems of joy you have!!