Sitting at a stop light today I rested my head back and happened to look in the rearview mirror. I saw my son who was also leaning against his headrest with the same relaxed expression that was mirrored on my face and I realized with a jolt how much he looks like me.

He was a elfish little baby: big blue eyes, dark hair, fair skin and sticky-outy ears like his dad. We called him Paul’s Mini Me until Birdie came along and we realized she was his clone. The resemblance is so striking that she has interrupted people since she was 6, when they begin, “You look…”

“I know. I know, just like my dad.” She knew the meaning of the word clone by the age of 4 or 5. Beanie is cut from the same cloth.

I remember when C. Riley was a baby and he flashed me a look that I knew was my own. It took my breath away, to recognize myself in him. At times he has smiled or made a face and I’ve seen one of my brothers. But until today I hadn’t been able to see how our very bone structure is similar, our cheekbones and the shapes of our eyes.

He saw me looking at him and immediately smiled. My lips unfurled the identical smile.

And then love began to leak out through my eyes.

Two nights ago I had my first dream about my father since his death June 22, 2003. This was surprising to me as I dream often and God speaks powerfully in my dreams. I wanted to dream about my dad for obvious reasons but nothing came until now.

I was watching him play basketball from several yards away. When he caught me looking he stopped and then sort of danced around with a big smile on his face. “Can you believe he almost died?” I said to a friend who was with our family the many months in the ICU. She began to cry and then I did too. We were both so grateful that he was so healthy and full of joy having been so close to death.

And then I awoke and remembered he was dead. But it wasn’t terrible. The waking reality didn’t negate my dream. He is dead and yet I know he is alive – and dancing.

Today was a great day. The kids played happily and there was no violence except for a hug that turned into a chokehold. Is it “no harm, no foul?” That was what we called and then tore the Bean off the recipient of her love.

I miss my husband.

He is in South America and is having trouble getting a phone line. He was able to send an e-mail through cable. Sadly, I was having trouble with DSL and unable to retrieve it. He has been gone 5 days and we have spoken twice. We usually talk that much in a day.

Separation is a sort of death.

On the up side my friend Margaret is very high energy, not twitchy, just this powerful force. She gets energy from organizing things. So far she has hit my girls’ room, my son’s and our office. She is headed for the laundry next. I might run out of rooms before her visit is over.

My brain is melting a little bit. Too many early mornings. Hope everyone is well. Thanks to all who prayed. The power of grace is so real.

This is the story of two lovely ladies
whose husbands are very far away…

Six children. Two women.

I will elaborate as I am able.

If I come to mind it is the Holy Spirit. Do not quench him; get on your knees and pray.

I need to go to bed and hopefully rest up for a good day tomorrow. I have been sleeping poorly which is just so unfortunate as this bunch could undo a girl with a full night’s rest and energy to burn.

Hope everyone is doing well.

JayMarie – I have not been able to pull up your blog in about a week. Actually, I can see the blog, your links and list of latest blogs but not the actual posts. I had no problem when you had that stinking planet up for WEEKS but now that you are a busy little blogger I can’t get to it. That is bad manners. You or my computer are to blame. Are you blogging invisibly?

It’s a nice night and I am staying awake. It’s a little bit boring when I have to go to sleep. Birdie and Beanie are asleep and our Dad is gone to Venezuela.

It’s a little bit boring when Dad’s not here and we don’t have enough people to play hide-and-seek. Hide-and-seek is for night and day. I hope I could have some fun in the morning. I would have to be gentle to my sisters and my friends so I won’t lose all my money. I only have $8 left. And I am miserable. I hope I can get some more money by having a job. I would be sad if I lose all of my money. And I would have to work for about five years to earn a lot of money.

I hope you have fun.

With love from C. Riley H.