1. He is in Ohio (at an airport) and you are in Michigan and pre-menstrual.

2. There are probably other inappropriate occasions but I can’t think of them.

“Marriage is very, very happy and very, very a big sponsibility,” said Lydia, then four, when told that Aunt Torey was marrying “Mr. David” and asked what she thought.

Today is their fourth anniversary. It has been a busy four years. Just in the first year they went through as much as most people fit into a lifetime: move to another state, work in grad school, death of a parent, diagnosis of cancer of a sibling, birth of their beloved child. Since then they have: finished grad school, completed an apprenticeship, moved to Canada, lived with his family, supported his sister and parents through her bone marrow transplant, moved back to the States and in with her family – us.

They are clear on the sponsibility aspect of marriage.

My hope for them, today and always, is that they get the very, very, happy too.

I know they will.

Years ago my sister was given a gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure from her then boyfriend/current husband/my neighbor, David.

The woman who gave her the manicure and pedicure was a Ukranian woman named Mila who had a sort of imperious manner that brought the gulags to mind. Fortunately Torey reminded her of her own daughter and quickly became a favorite. She was always getting upgrades or very generous samples. Beside Torey’s perks it was a really excellent salon and so we started giving each other, and requesting for every holiday, gift certificates.

Whenever I went to the salon I was treated a little better than a prisoner of war until I would remind her that I was Torey’s sister. She would pause for a moment, her steely gaze softening somewhat and she would gush, “Oh yes, Toeree. She is beeyooteeful, wunderful girl.” And then she would go back to bullying me and whatever part of my body was under her “care”.

For a very special treat before her wedding Torey scheduled a facial. As Mila was poking and pressing her face Torey referred to some freckles that always became prominent in the summer. Mila shook her head sadly.

“Nnnooo Baybee, Ah lieka fareckuls. That is a sunspot.”

Torey told the story when she got home and the line immediately went into the family vernacular. For some reason I remembered it and have been adopting a thick Ukranian accent off and on for a couple of weeks. After one weekend where I was addressing everyone as, “Baybee” Paul asked, “Are you going to stop that soon? It’s getting a old.”

“Yes, Baybee, I will try.”

I told myself I would limit it to when we are playing in the pool, but anytime I get to say no it is all I can do to not add, “Baybee”.

https://alisonhodgson.com/2006/08/916/

Birdie has learned a couple of things lately and I think she would be happy to pass on her wisdom:

1. Don’t leave toxic substances (e.g. nail polish remover) within reach of the Legumes.

2. If by chance you haven’t learned Important Life Lesson #1 then never, ever pretend to pour a toxic substance into something that could be construed as consumable (e.g. a teapot).

Fortunately the angels and the Mamas were on the job so we don’t have the material for a Sad Oprah.

In the last few days the Peanut and Beansie have:

• Rifled through Papa/Uncle David’s things and chewed on a vitamin. “But ah spat it owt!”

• Thrown appoximately 1 kajillion adhesive alphabet letters (which Mama/Aunt Awi purchased in a fit of crafting guilt/enthusiasm) all over the deck then ran out the gate into the side yard.

• Marked up a duvet cover with non-washable markers. When confronted, one Legume completely denied culpability and the other blamed her ten year old brother.

• Marked up a wood folding chair with highlighters. See the marked duvet cover above for recycled excuses.

• Stolen a couple of Lydia’s lip glosses. When caught mid-application they immediately apologized. In a moment of lunacy I handed back the one chapstick that did not belong to Lydia. I would have been better off handing a loaded gun to Bonnie/Clyde.

• Smeared a long streak of red (!) chapstick on the living room rug. Beanie worked alone on this one as she only had it in her chubby grasp for a minute. The girl works fast.

• Tried to take a picture with Mama/Aunt Towey’s two day old camera. Beanie was the shooter but Peanut was the willing accomplice/subject.