That would be my husband talking after he spun and then holstered his finger “gun”. He is being silly. Anyone who has witnessed the big man in a mood knows you need to smile and keep some distance or risk being hurt. As mentioned, he is very tall and when he starts flailing around it can be dangerous.

Just an hour ago he was soberly paying bills while I was dancing around the kitchen. I kept interrupting him. Finally I remembered what it is like when you are trying to do something and someone keeps interrupting you with inane comments. I am a mother so I am really clear on this. I stopped talking to him and concentrated on finishing the three (count em baby!) meals I was making. I saw him looking at me, “I’m kind of in a silly mood tonight.”

“I noticed.”

“I guess I have some energy. I wonder why.”

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe it’s because I got out of the house today,” the kids and I met friends for lunch, “or maybe it’s the Vitamin B spray finally kicking in.”

“Could be.” I decided to stop torturing him.

After we got the kids in bed I started working on an article. Soon Paul was ramming around the kitchen and yelling down the hall to where I sit. The tables had turned.

“Do you realize when one of us is in a goofy mood the other one is always the straight man?”

“Oh, that’s the way it has to be. If there isn’t a straight man…” He threw both of his hands in the air and shook his head.

It was too scary to be considered.

One of the many fantastic things about motherhood is I am constantly given opportunities to see God’s perspective.

For example, when my child just doesn’t get something and s/he really doesn’t care and I want to bash my head on the counter I am so tired and frustrated because this child doesn’t get it and doesn’t give a rat’s bum that s/he does not.

And then God asks, “Uh hello, Alison how do you think it feels being your Father? I keep telling you things and you won’t get it and really don’t care. Yet I love you and chase you and fight for you. I cherish you regardless. Oh and I died for you so you don’t have to stay in your denial with your seared conscience. But do you see me bashing my head against the counter? No.”

And then I say, “True. Very true. But the advantage you have is that your conscience is clear. You know it’s not your fault when I disobey and am not penitent.

I want to throw my hands in the air and say ‘This kid is so difficult’ but I know I have made a lot of mistakes raising this child and therefore share the blame.

But I guess it isn’t about blame.

What am I committed to?

I am committed to relying on you, to loving this child, to knowing that Your joy is my strength, to fighting for this kid, to not giving up, to not getting stuck in guilt and condemnation, to lifting my head and to going in again and trying something new.

And while we are talking I just want to say I love you and I trust you and I have ahold of that peace you promised and I am keeping my hands and arms wide open to get it all. I am going to let it wash over me and cleanse me. I am going to stand in it until it covers me and is so high I am swimming in it.

I am going to float on your peace.

If you want to pour on your love and joy and grace I’ll float on that too.

And just so you know I’m not afraid because if you are for me who can be against me? I know you are for me. You are on my side. I know you’re cheering for me. And so I am going to run this race.

This is me running.

Look Dad! Look how fast I can run!

I know you see me.”

I have mentioned here, on several occasions, my propensity to awake in the early hours for no apparent reason and the frustration it causes me.

I forgot to mention that often when I wake it is to pray. Last year God showed me in quite a few really dramatic ways that He was awakening me to pray at key times. I got to the point that I committed if I awoke in the wee hours I would try to listen for any guiding and if I didn’t hear specifics to just offer up my faith and pray without knowing.

The thing is when you wake up between 3 and 4 in the morning, on a consistent basis, you aren’t always so clear…though wide awake. As well, in the past I woke up because I was fretting about something. And then there is the fact that I am a notoriously light sleeper anyway. So I woke up this morning without something pressing on my spirit and I started thinking about some things I am working on, got up grabbed my Bible and journal and made some notes. I worked for a little bit and then I remembered Hurricane Rita.

Helloooo!

I got online (my only news source) and realized I awoke about the time the store hit.

You know that 60’s war song “Where have all the flowers gone?”? Paul and I like to sing the refrain “When will we ever learn” often substituting “we” for “you” at each other and on rarer occasions to ourselves. It is ringing in my head.

I am writing this down to, hopefully, imprint it on my brain and spirit.

Note to Self:

Alison, you are a bit of a twitcher. Anxiety has been your alarm clock on occasion and yes, sometimes you awake when lint is stirred but most of the time you awake for a purpose known or otherwise. When you wake up you are going to pray FIRST even before you try to figure out why you are awake. Maybe in the praying you will know. Regardless you WILL pray. Are we clear?

Clear.

1. I was a flight attendant. (I applied to be a baggage handler, but got an interview for service because I spoke Japanese.)

2. My first assignment was in Memphis. My friend and I were trying to get transferred to Hawaii. In the mean time we decided to apply at Graceland as Japanese tour guides. While we were there filling out applications a call from Colonel Parker came through. After a few days we were asked to interview but we couldn’t because we both got called out on flights and were soon laid off.

3. After I was laid off I used a free flight to go back to Japan and teach English. I really wanted to go to Kindergarten. I figured I would learn a lot and could hold my own. I almost got a job as an iterant Kindergarten English teacher which seemed the best alternative but I needed a car and so I couldn’t take the job. Can you imagine the regret?

My mom and my aunt came over to visit and to do a load of laundry. When Mom transferred her clothing to the dryer she folded a load of my towels that had just dried. Coming out of the laundry room she said, “Honey start bringing all those baskets out and we’ll help you fold the rest.

I looked around.

“Uh Mom, all those loads are dirty.”

Disposable clothing, I’m for it.