I am a constant dreamer so it surprised me when years went by after my father’s death with almost no dreams of him, but a few months ago he finally began to show up in my sleep. Every dream starts with me just hugging the daylights out of him. My dad was a tall man so when I hugged him I would tuck my head under his arms and press my cheek to his chest. With some people there is that negotiating of whose arms go over and where to place your head but with my dad there was none of that. If you were under six feet you tucked.
In these dreams I am so relieved that I get to hug him but I never know why. There is always a bit of wonder that he is there and that we are embracing and yet I don’t know he is dead. Then there is that moment of shifting levels of sleep where I realize it and the sorrowful “Oh he‘s dead!” hits so hard. I guess I think, even awake, that I am really meeting him in my dreams and I want to be aware enough to know that he is, so that I can be fully present. I was so rarely with him those last years, especially when we were together.
Opportunities pass.
I had a dream about Paul the other night. At the moment he is in China. I went away for the weekend early Friday morning and he flew out Sunday before my return. My trip added two days and two nights to our separation which is no small thing. Coming home I was already missing him and his trip had just begun. That night he was in my dream. He was younger than he is now. It was so good to see him and I threw myself into his arms. Paul is a very tall man too, making the head tuck necessary with him as well. He hugged me back and swung to pick me up and carry me. At that moment I knew I was in a dream. For a second I hesitated going with him. Dreams can be so changeable. I was afraid of being pulled into a nightmare, but the thought of letting go was worse; I held on. We began to fly and the room we were in opened up and became a large field dipping into a valley. The beauty was astounding. Paul’s face was turned from me but I relaxed in his arms as we floated through the air and my foot gently skimmed a cloud.
what an awesome dream…
in the training with Ennio. he is giving off an even more pronounced Don Wolfe vibe.
Want to say something here, but can’t decide exactly what…
I hope the dreams of your dad are comforting and healing.
I am glad you relaxed and allowed yourself to be swept away by your love.
Foot skimmed a cloud. Wow. My heart skipped a beat.
Hope Paul returned safely as planned today. I wish KMJ and I could have been there to load up all the kids into your van and sweep them away for the evening again.
Excellent post. I’m a dreamer, too – I have those vivid dreams that hang around in my mind for a few days after I wake up. I’m glad your dad is back, even if it is only a dream.