I need to get some writing done in the next two weeks after which I might have an opportunity to connect with an editor or an agent. My brother, Tanner, who knows about this has been calling me, praying for me and trying to help me make commitments and focus.

I was focused in the Fall when I first committed to writing a book, but then I got a little buried in my children’s education, the ministry I lead, Paul’s travel, the holidays and several other really really valid covers for my fear that I can’t do this. In my confidence and clarity I told some people (everyone on my Christmas list!) that I was writing a book because I wanted to say it out loud. And then I remembered that I have no trouble talking about things, it’s that whole doing them where I have fallen short. This was when I assumed the fetal position. Any time I sat down to “write my book” my I.Q. dropped more points that it had to lose and every other word I typed seemed to be, “I”, the other being, “my”. I blinked and several months passed.

So Tanner has been hounding me, I mean, calling to offer me support. The phone would ring, I would see his number on caller i.d. and my heart would sink but I would make myself answer. He would ask how things were going and I could only tell him they weren’t. I would not allow myself to make excuses and several times asked for some guidance. I didn’t want to blame my circumstances but didn’t see a way out of them. He helped me set up some goals and was willing to be accountable. When I didn’t keep the commitments he forgave me and helped me to make new ones. I told him how I was resisting talking to him, as if he was against me when the reality is he is currently my biggest freaking fan. He laughed and agreed with the latter picture.

He encouraged me to set aside some solid chunks of time. “You have to respect your work by giving it serious time. What you are giving it now is going to enable you to walk into a Borders and see your book on the shelf.”

At that moment I knew he already saw it there and for a moment I did too.

Last night I asked Paul to help me find a way to write around our mutual exhaustion and the never ending demands of running a home and caring (well) for three children. This morning I got up early did my exercises, took my vitamins, made the coffee then faced the screen and began to write.

I am so grateful to so many others throughout time who have obeyed the calling God put on their lives, for the songs they’ve written and sung, for the beautiful art they’ve created, for the sermons they’ve preached, for the justice for which they’ve fought, for the peace and truth they’ve brought. I know that God invited me to write. I am willing to get off my fear. I will sacrifice my time and wait for God’s provision.

Today my work is raising three amazing kids and writing down, “the praises of him who called me out of darkness into His marvelous light.” This is what I get to do.

Gratitude and love to my brother, Tanner, for speaking into my life and my husband, Paul, for helping to make it so.