Captain’s Blog

School started a little late today for a variety of reasons. Within seconds of getting upstairs one of the big kids’ heads started spinning and the other began spitting blood and I thought “Not gonna do it” in my best mental impression of Dana Carvey as George Bush the First.

I sat the kids down and we made a list of all the things that had happened in our school. Let me tell you, that was some list. This immediately quieted them. We recorded: ( and we weren’t just talking about the student body)

yelling
throwing things
disobedience
destruction
hard work
interruptions
kind words
screaming
disrespect
apologies
hand raising
pushing
laughter
gentleness
messes
hatred
respect
boredom
forgiveness
surprises
learning
distractions
inattention
treats

Once we compiled that we voted on the things we wanted from now on.

We elected:

hard work
apologies
hand raising
laughter
gentleness
respect
forgiveness
surprises
learning
treats

At this point we were really feeling good. The votes were unanimous and this was sounding like SOME school. And then Christopher bounced on the couch and my cup of coffee spilled all over me and the list.

It was perfect. That was what I told myself as I got up and went downstairs to throw my clothing in the wash, change and mop up the list and the book I had used to support it.

The kids trailed after me, Christopher apologizing copiously. I told them to head back upstairs and wipe up anything that had spilled on the couch.

It was quiet while I took care of my end of things and as I headed upstairs I congratulated myself on responding without blowing my top. Then I saw Christopher reading on the couch that had not been wiped up and flew to his side.

I managed not to yell, but my tone was quietly intense. He started to wipe up the mess and say, “You are scaring me.”

“No,” I said. “we aren’t going to do this. You made a big mess. I did not freak out. I asked you to clean something up and you did not obey but chose to read a book. I am not yelling. You are fine.”

He agreed he was.

We settled back onto the couch and made another list. This one was titled “What we are willing to do to have” with a big arrow pointing to the things we want in our school.

We will: (we knew we were looking for verbs because they are action words)

obey
concentrate
stand firm in faith (this from C. !)
do everything in love
respect each other
forgive
persevere
encourage each other
think of others
be gentle
be kind
make requests

All of these were their contributions except the last.

Then we talked about my choice to stay home with and teach them and that I had other options. We have already talked about their choices, but reviewed them. They were clear that they wanted me to stay home and continue to teach them. I told them it was a privilege to attend our school and if they were unwilling to be the way we had decided we needed to be in order to to have school we wanted, then they couldn’t come to it. Instead they would go to their rooms with their assignments and do them on their own. This was shocking but they agreed to it.

Tomorrow we are all going to write out our declarations and hang them on the wall.

It only makes sense to articulate what we want and then figure out what it is going to take to get it. This is our plumb line. If our behavior or attitudes don’t measure up to what we say we want then we can change them.

I am 35 and just learning this.

I am working really hard to help my kids learn this sooner.