The importance of rest

Well, the Ladies Weekend became a Ladies 24 hours. I found this out Friday afternoon. “It’s not Saturday night too?”

“No.”

“Oh…when do I have to go home?”

“My date with Rob starts at 7:30.”

“I see.” Paul didn’t expect me back until Sunday. Think think.

The thing is I was so tired I couldn’t. I was exhausted from waking around 3 a.m. and time kept slipping backwards. 12 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. on Friday took about four days to pass. Trust me.

We had a great time. We watched the sun set on the Lake and then enjoyed conversation under the stars. We stayed up way too late but awoke fairly early then took a walk down to the beach and walked along the shore. When we got back to the cottage one of the women made amazing mango smoothies and then surprised us with plates she had made up of pasta salad, fresh strawberries with cheese and crackers. It so hit the spot. It was light and satisfying. And it felt so wonderful to have it all taken care of, to be served. Later we visited our hostess’ home that is being built then headed back to the Lake to read and relax in the sun. It was so hot I had to get into the cold cold water. There were waves and we had fun diving over and into them.

My hostess remarked, “I haven’t been this far out all summer.”

“Because you haven’t been here without kids.”

“Right.”

Everyone except for me and my hostess had to leave around 3 p.m. We stayed and she fell asleep while I read. We took one more dip then walked back to the cottage and showered. We only had a couple hours before her kids and husband would come home.

I had been craving guacamole for a week and planned to make it but a trip to get ingredients had been thwarted twice. We hoped to go some place and have a margarita with some chips and salsa and guacamole. There didn’t seem to be any place that wouldn’t require a lot of driving and then backtracking. And then I thought of the place down the road. I mentioned it to my hostess.

“That would be perfect.” I wanted to walk but it seemed a little far in the heat and given our limited time. When my hostess was looking for her keys I mentioned this. “Oh but it’s not far when you walk by the lake.”

!!!!!!

So we were able to take one more walk under the shady trees and admire the various cottages and look at the water. The lodge, sadly, was not on the lake but had a deck over looking the parking lot. We sat outside and when our server brought us our chips and guacamole she said, “It’s homemade. Enjoy.”

We did.

I once was the sort of girl, who, given a glass three quarters full would bitch about the quarter missing; who, sitting on a restaurant’s patio with a fun companion and good food would see the unattractive view. Last night, overlooking the gravel covered lot of cars all I saw were the trees across the road. It felt so good to be content and grateful.

This has been a long year filled with blessings and wonderful opportunities that have required time, stretching and work. Since becoming a mother I haven’t had a superfluity of energy and this year has been especially draining. Looking back I can see the only time I took away from my family and home was different work for church.

Part of the blessing/struggle has been Paul’s newish job. He loves it and is so grateful to be learning from his boss. He travels all over the world. I am so happy he is doing something he loves, that he is learning and growing. Every one is happy for him and so eager to hear about all the interesting and exotic places he has visited. This summer I found myself begrudging this, feeling like the “little woman”/piece of old bologna.

Could no one see that Paul’s wonderful, amazing job made my own so much harder? In short, I was feeling like a victim. And that is not the way I want to feel nor who I want to be. I tried to get off it. I tried to shift, but I felt stuck and tired.

I didn’t want Paul to literally sing “Have I ever told you, you’re my hero…” but I wanted to get that he felt I was the stinkin’ wind beneath his wings, which is so much stronger and attractive than aged meat by- products.

I realize I need to get away, if only for an evening, from time to time to breathe and come back with gratitude and love. I want to know that I will be filled regardless how full the glass. Given a break and some rest, I am so clear on this, so aware of my blessings.

Thank you, Sara, for creating a space and for inviting us all in.

Thank you, Paul, for freeing me to go and being there with open arms when I returned.