Archives for August 2005

Beanie comes up to me sipping on a juice box. She was drinking very intently, really sucking it down when she paused and sort of gasped, “Das so cold.”

I had to pull her onto my lap but she chose that moment to try to start drinking again so the straw sort of poked her in the eye. “Ho ho ho you litto man!” She chuckled. “I call it da litto man.”

She continued a rather sweet little conversation with the drink box or the straw. I wasn’t able to ascertain who she was addressing.

If you poked me in the eye I would probably call you something other than “little man” and I certainly wouldn’t be laughing. I think she has a good personality.

Is it the twittering of birds? The dulcet tones of my toddler? The cheerful whistling of the electrician? It’s all three baby!

It is so much easier to be cheerful when the sun is shining, there is not a cloud in the sky, I have had a full night’s sleep and my children are all in separate rooms going about there own business. I am wearing a wide skirt and apron and have paused from flinging flower petals around to blog with you.

OK, I’m wearing jeans and a Fila shirt and have just spent the last half hour wandering around my house trying to decide what to do first, but I was being such a sweetie it really amounts to the same thing. Right?

I had just finished eating an early lunch when The Bean came up to me, “You are very sick, Mama.”

“Actually, I feel great.” I said flashing her a beautific smile.

“No you are sick. Git in my office!”

I got.

Sadly her office is her room which she shares with Birdie who has every surface covered with clothing as she packs for an upcoming trip.

“Oh this is too messy.” She led me next door to her brother’s room which was also beneath her standards for cleanliness. There she was distracted by some finger puppets and I escaped to the computer.

Would anyone like to come over and do 6 loads of laundry, make dinner, vacuum the pool, paint the dining room ceiling, prime the walls, sand 7 chairs, spruce up the deck, clean 2 bathrooms and transplant about 50 hosta?

Anyone? Anyone?

I just thought I’d ask.

I am feeling slightly less sunshiney.

Oh wait The Bean is back with a book. I better read it to her – doctor’s orders.

Sure, it’s fun at first, getting up at four in the morning, staying up for hours then drifting off just as small and irresponsible people are rising and getting into mischief so you have to drag yourself out too. But after doing that about a hundred times it gets kind of old.

There is a particularly virulent form of insomnia that really torks me off. Here is how it goes: I awake, listen for something I might need to pray about, if nothing pings my spirit I pray generally then begin to read until I drift off, when I start to feel myself sagging I quick turnly out the light and snuggle in sooo relieved to be sleeping again and then I realize I am wide awake. This can happen countless times for hours. Torture.

My mom called this morning to ask, “Does it still work out for me to take the kids out for lunch?”

Yes, as a matter of fact, it does.

*****************************************
This is the last curmudgeony post, I promise. If I have to bust into a nursing home and get a B12 shot I will turn the cranky tone of this blog around.

Paul, Beanie and I spent some time in the ER last night. We had been in a car accident. I hurt my knee and my ankle. Paul had a lot of bleeding from the head and Beanie was fine. At the ER we called ourselves Annabelle, Lewis and Student. There were only two doctors attending and they had the same last name. The female Dr. H. ran around with a headset and administered a lot of shots. The other Dr. H. was very thorough in his interview or whatever it is called when they ask a lot of questions before they examine you. He was big into X-rays.

I was seen first. By the time they got to Lewis he was delusional. Although he didn’t realize I was his wife he was quite flirtatious. He finally passed out. They only thing that saved him was a brain shock that somehow stimulated his heart. He also received some more shots. I can tell you he wasn’t happy about that. Nobody likes shots, but try some administered with a Tinker Toy rod and a colored pencil.

About a half an hour after their regular bedtime the female Dr. H. decided she wanted to be a patient and pitched a little fit when informed it was time for bed.

Finally we got them all down and Paul ran out to pick up Chinese.

This is my Stuff Portrait for Friday.

You know you are a grown up when your Friday night is spent pretending to be a victim of a car accident, eating Chinese late, then picking up the house before you go to bed…and you are happy.

Last winter I was in a Bible study for which I memorized verses every week. These were good verses, powerful verses. As I memorized more and more I was struck by the things God promises us.

For example this is what 1 Corinthians 10:13 says:

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

What really got me was the thought that we are promised a way out without qualification. There are a lot of “therefores” in the Bible which require going back and looking at what came before that the following hinges on. There is none of that here. It is flat out, a way out so that you can stand up under whatever temptation has seized you.

Memorizing this I realized I didn’t live my life looking for the way out that God has promised to provide. In some areas it was clear I didn’t really believe it. But I wanted to. I began to wonder what would life be like if I lived it knowing I can’t do it on my own, that I need God’s amazing grace to make it every day and knowing it’s already there waiting for me.

I need it most with my kids. I am doing the most important work I can ever do, but it is wrapped in mundane, never-ending chores. Housework, laundry, the grind of making meal after meal can obscure my focus from the incredibly important recipients of my labors.

Today I was exhausted, with an aching head and no patience. The only thing I had going for me was clarity. I recognized that I was teetering on the abyss of angry and frustrated mothering. So I pulled back and cried out for help and then waited.

This is what happened: I made myself a healthy sandwich then took Tylenol, I kicked everyone outside, I let them eat any junky thing they requested, my mother-in-law came over (I had invited her hours before I was in crisis) and she swam with them while I waited for my headache to clear, we came inside and the girls watched videos while my son played on the computer. When Paul got home I went to our bedroom and took a little nap. At 7 pm I left for a meeting.

It is 10:45 and I feel good, ready to go to bed and get some good rest then start over tomorrow. Yes, it would have been lovely if I could have made it through the day, being gentle and loving with my children while providing nutritious snacks and stimulating play. I didn’t. I was gentle and loving. I was patient. I did not yell. I found the way out. Next time it might be wider. Today it was wide enough.

Thank You. I am going to keep taking You at your Word.